Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
