i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
