Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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