At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
