She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
my poor anus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
