I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
