don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
