Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
and you fell through a lawn chair
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
