i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
