He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
