Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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