it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
