so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
