Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
her vagine was all disorganized.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
