you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
