I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
