when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
