So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
