I hate all girls vehemently.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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