I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Non-Jews are for practice
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
