is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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