haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
