just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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