i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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