Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
