You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
