Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
