OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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