On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
should my penis look like a turkey
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We are two peas in an std pod
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
