Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
