I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
