So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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