Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
