Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize