What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The adults are the big ones right?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
