I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
