quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
