he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
