Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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