Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
