you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
