It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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