I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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