You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
