flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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