i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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