I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
