Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
