Do you still have your period?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
