Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
